Touch A Touch A Touch Me
by Astus Alius
Summary: Hermione remembers a classic song and uses it to help relieve her frustration. Then Harry comes to her aid and relieves his own frustration. Professors Dumbledore and McGongall have a good laugh...as well as blackmail. Featuring a song from Rocky Horror.


Touch A Touch A Touch Me

A/N: This story was made for _fun_ and is in no way to be taken seriously. I tried to keep Hermione as in character as I could considering the circumstances. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the Rocky Horror Picture Show. The former belongs to JKR and the latter belongs to Richard O'Brian

Hermione Granger was frustrated, very frustrated. It's not the kind of frustration one would expect Hermione to harbour. She was sexually frustrated and had been for a very long time now. She and Ron had been dancing around the subject of having sex. He, understandably, didn't want to anger her and she just couldn't do it. She blushed whenever they breached the subject and quickly changed the topic. The awkwardness was simply unbearable. Hermione was a seventeen-year-old girl though and she was most certainly curious, but she was too much of a prude to do anything about it and she knew that.

She shifted her bag on her shoulder, trying to relieve some of the stain, she really missed her rucksack from primary school. Her chances of back problems increased everyday. She looked down both ends of the hallway assuring that it was empty, before quickly making her way into an abandoned classroom, The classroom was her haven, she used it to just relax which she so seldom got to do. Hermione had been coming there since her Third year, having been extremely stressed about the ridiculous amount of classes she was taking. The room was discovered when she was roughly pushed into the door my a very brutish looking Slytherin and due to her curious nature she decided to see what was inside and was mildly disappointed to see that it was just an abandoned classroom. Something drew her to it tough, maybe it was the unearthly glow or maybe it was just because it was quiet and peaceful but whatever it was she loved it. Over time she added personal touches, she made one of the desks her work bench and the shelves in the back were filled with whatever books she couldn't fit into her dorm.

Hermione stepped over the threshold and quietly shut the door behind her. Breathing in deeply she took in the dark mahogany of the walls and almost immediately felt the tension escape her body. She slid her bag off of her shoulder and set it by the door, rubbing her tender shoulder. The young witch made her way towards the makeshift workbench, that was incidentally the Professors desk. Sinking down into the hard chair she started to think about her situation. She had absolutely no idea how to bring it up to Ron, it's not as if they had ever done anything of that nature, they'd only ever kissed. That sparked something in her memory. A movie that she had seen with her father, one that she thought was completely ridiculous, but he insisted upon watching it every weekend, shouting various profanities at the screen. Hermione had only watched it with him a few times, only to make him happy. It was quite funny though to see him jump up and dance to that ludicrous song.

Hermione was remembering a particular song though, one that wasn't quite as strange as the others and kind of described her situation. The lead female, Janet, Hermione recalled, sang it to the scientist's creation, Rocky. Many people didn't know this but Hermione loves to sing and used to take lessons before she was accepted to Hogwarts, and she thought she could recall most of the words as her memory was impeccable, so she sat up, removed her robes revealing her uniform underneath and began to sing in a high, beautiful voice.

_I was feeling done in. Couldn't win. I'd only ever kissed before. I felt there's no use getting, into heavy petting. It only leads to trouble and seat wetting._

Unbeknownst to her a certain messy haired wizard was witnessing this. He had been looking for Hermione, wanting to ask her a question. He had seen her slip into the room and decided to follow her curious as to what she was doing going into an empty classroom. He stopped short when he saw what was inside, it looked like this was her own personal place, complete with half a library. Hermione was sitting at what he presumed to be the professors desk. Her head was leaning on her hand and she was obviously deep in thought because she hadn't even noticed him yet. He was about to call out to her when she got up and shucked off her robes. Then she did something that surprised him beyond belief. She started to sing, and he registered that she had a beautiful voice, rich and melodious. Her face was flushed and she seemed to be truly enjoying herself. Then it he noticed just what she was singing.

_Now all I want to know, is how to go. I've tasted blood and I want more. I'll put up no resistance, I want to stay the distance. I've got an itch to scratch, I need assistance. _

She sounded… seductive, and Harry was getting a little hot just listening to her. He didn't recognise the song, but it sounded like she was trying to tempt someone.

_Touch a touch a touch me, I wanna be dirty. Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me creature of the night. _

Harry got a little hotter. He couldn't believe _Hermione_ was singing this. It wasn't like her at all. She had begun to get a little more into it and started dancing around a bit, her cheeks getting a little pinker and her eyes closing. The she turned and saw him, and screamed.

"Harry James Potter! Just how long have you been standing there?" She demanded.

He really didn't want to lie so he just told the truth. "Er, the whole time. Please continue." His voice was a bit husky and lust had clouded his brain a bit.

Hermione thought he looked…feral. He looked like a randy teenage boy, but why? He was looking at her, his green eyes smoldering. Her mind kicked in then, she _was _singing a song about basically wanting sex, but he looked like he wanted her so much. She complied.

_Then if anything grows, while you pose. _She walked toward him slowly and laid her hands on his heaving chest. _I'll oil you up and rub you down. _She pulled off his heavy robes and let them fall to the floor, leaving him in only his uniform. _And that's just one small fraction of the main attraction. _Hermione placed her hands on his shoulders. _You need a friendly hand and I need action! _She grabbed his hand and put it on her breast and then removed her own, and let him do the work.

_Touch a touch a touch me! I wanna be dirty. _She threw her arms around his neck and pressed herself against him. _Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me. Creature of the night. _He pulled off her shirt and rubbed his hand up and down her back. She repeated the chorus, singing more heartily, and tearing Harry's clothes off.

_Oh! Touch a touch a touch me! I wanna be dirty! Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me. Creature of the night!_ He surprised her by singing. _Creature of the night. _She finished it off.

_Creature of the night! Whew! _He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him and they began frantically kissing.

Meanwhile, Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall were watching the whole thing and were both laughing so hard, that they had fallen to the ground, shaking in mirth. Albus reached over and turned off the bit of glass they were watching this through, not really wanting to see the students continue.

"Ah, young love. Though I had thought that Miss Granger had affections for Mr. Weasley and Harry for Miss Weasley," Albus mused. Professor McGonagall had finally

righted herself, but was still fighting laughter and let out a small laugh every now and then. She was usually so uptight that this was most unnatural behaviour for her.

"Well, I think that Miss Granger was, er, _excited_ and Mr. Potter shared that excitement. For lack of a better way of putting it," She said, trying to keep a straight face and failing abysmally. "Though I really hadn't expected her to start singing, nor had I expected her to be quite so good at it. Miss Granger is very talented academically, but I had never taken her to be talented artistically, and that song! Where in Merlin's name did she hear that? I've never heard anything quite so vulgar!" Minerva was slowly transforming into the high strung Professor again, to the disappointment of Dumbledore. He leaned back in his chair, silver beard shining in the dim light and eyes twinkling like mad.

"The song is from a Muggle movie, which was quite popular twenty years ago and still is. It was a musical that parodied cliché scientific films. I haven't seen it myself, but I've heard that it's…_interesting._"

"Ah, well I haven't an idea as to how I am going to look at them without bursting into laughter when they come to class tomorrow," Minerva said.

"Would you like me to perform a Memory Charm on you, Minerva?" Albus asked, looking inquisitively at her.

"No, no! That will provide me with entertainment for years to come! Miss Granger is almost as high strung as I am and it's amusing to see her acting so… impulsively," she drawled.

"Impulsively," he echoed, with a smile on his wrinkled face. "The girl attacked him! Poor Harry was victimized by her wily feminine ways," He said teasingly.

"I don't think Mr. Potter was at all adverse to Miss Granger's 'wily feminine ways' as you so choose to put it and if I may be so bold I think that Mr. Potter actually quite liked it." A little bit of red tinged her cheeks.

"Minerva! I'm shocked that you would say such a thing, though I cannot argue with it. Harry was certainly not trying to stop her actions." Minerva nodded, and then realized something.

"Shouldn't we stop them, they are breaking school rules," She said, wondering why she hadn't thought this before. Albus shook his head.

"We shouldn't even know about this, let alone confront them. No we will leave them be." Albus would drop small hints though, whenever he saw Harry. Just for the fun of seeing the look on his face.

"Alright, well I need to be off to bed. Good night, Albus." She stood up and brushed off her robes.

"Good night, Minerva." Professor McGonagall swiftly made her way out of the Headmaster's office and started on the trek to her quarters. She could not stop thinking about what she had witnessed. She had _never_ thought that Miss Granger would act in such a manner. She turned down a corridor and saw her star student and Harry Potter. _Oh, no._ She thought. Both their faces were flushed and Miss Granger's hair was a wild mess. They came closer and closer and then Miss Granger saw her.

"Oh, Professor McGonagall! Lovely to see you. Are you having a pleasant evening?" Hermione asked. Harry stood beside her awkwardly.

"Not quite as good as yours I expect," She drawled. She hadn't meant for that to slip out. Hermione blushed profusely as did Harry.

"What do you mean by that Professor?" Harry asked defensively.

Minerva thought frantically, looking down at them. They looked at her uncomfortably with wide eyes, and suddenly she did something she had never done in front of a student before, she laughed, and once she'd started she couldn't stop. Harry and Hermione were looking at her in concern.

"Professor, are you feeling alright?" Hermione asked stepping closer to Minerva. She tried to compose herself, but she kept seeing Hermione singing that song. So she just turned around and walked away leaving to very confused students in her wake.

Hermione turned to Harry with a perplexed look on her face and a tinge of embarrassment.

"You don't think…" Hermione trailed off.

"No, she couldn't have," Harry answered, but he didn't look very sure. He ran a hand through his hair and leaned up against a wall.

"The professors have eyes and ears all over the castle. Oh, sweet Merlin. How are we ever going to look her in the face again?" Hermione wrung her hands, pacing.

"Ughh," came Harry's dignified response as he slid down the wall with his fingers in his hair.

Professor McGonagall leaned against the wall trying to compose herself. None of the students had come across her yet, well other that Harry and Hermione. She knew that they knew that she knew, however confusing that was. She saw the mortification dawn on their faces. _But, _she thought with a certain satisfaction, _now that I've gone and given it away, I have something to tease them about for years to come. _She smirked, and walked straight-backed to her quarters. She really was a Gryffindor at heart.


End file.
